Italian Jokes: 2010

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Luigi and Paulo were fishing ...

Luigi and Paulo were fishing in the Mediterranean sea one sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. On seeing this round, spikey object coming nearer and nearer, Luigi shouts at his friend " Hey Paulo, it's a mine, it's a mine!!!" Paulo replies " O.K. Luigi, you can-a have it!!! "

http://www.topfool.com/italian.html

A band at an Italian wedding ...

A band at an Italian wedding decided to take requests. Nunzio walks up and asks, "Scuse me, do youse guys know da song `Strangers in da Night`? The band leader says, "Sure we know that one." Nunzio says, "Hey! dat`s great! But I got just one favor - could youse play it in 5/4 time?" "Isn`t it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked. "Yeah, but dis here`s a special occasion, know whut I mean?" The band discusses amongst themselves, then the leader turns and says, "I don`t think we`ll have any problems." Nunzio turns and yells out, "Hey, Cousin Vinnie! C`mon up here and sing!" Cousin Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the intro, and then starts to sing, "Strangers in da f*ckin` night..."

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/italian-jokes

About halfway through the reception...

About halfway through the reception, the brides mother went to her daughter and said, "Go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy, eh?" The bride did as she was told, and upon finding her new husband, she took him upstairs above the celebrating crowd`s watchful eye. He knew what was to take place, wasting no time, he took his tuxedo jacket, dress shirt and t-shirt off. She noticed that he had a hairy chest! Aghast, she quickly ran downstairs, found her mother and told her "Momma, he`s got ah hairy chest!" Her mother, in hopes to calm her down, said "Go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy, eh?" She went back upstairs. He then took off his pants and she noticed that his legs were hairy too! She was quite old fashioned and didn`t know what to think, so she ran downstairs yet again to find her mother. She found her, pulled her aside and said, "Momma, Momma Mia - he`s got ah hairy legs too, what am I ah going to do, eh?" Her mother trying to soothe her again, said "Now go upstairs child and make ah your husband ah happy, eh? Now go upstairs child!" She went back to the room, when she entered, he took his shoes off, then his socks. When she looked down, she noticed that one of his feet was half gone! She ran downstairs, frightened and found Momma once again - "Momma, he`s got ah foot and ah half!" But this time, the mother thought and said "Child, you stay downstairs and ah let your Momma go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy!"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/italian-jokes

Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio...

Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street. "Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "Where you been for the past two weeks? No one seen you around." "Dona talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been inna jail." "Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been in jail?" "Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna dis beach, and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail." "But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!", Luigi countered. "Yeah, but dis beach was screamin` and akickin` and ayellin`!"

http://www.jokes-db.com/jokes/italian-jokes

How do you make an ...

Q. How do you make an Italian?

A. Put a black in one hand, a Jew in the other, and slam them together. WOP!!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Heaven & Hell

Heaven & Hell

HEAVEN is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
and it's all organised by the Swiss

HELL is where:
The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
and it's all organised by the Italians!!

http://www.topfool.com/italian.html